K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
