Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize