and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
