Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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