No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
