I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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