My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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