apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
