dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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