Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
