So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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