he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
