Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
