So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
