singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
