You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
