If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
