When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
