the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
