If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
