This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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