Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
