So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
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