Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
