I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
