It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
