u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
