Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have feelings that need drinking.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
