Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
