did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
