I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
