Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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