i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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