we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
