Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
