I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
