I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
