went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
