I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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