And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
