I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
