i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
