i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
