I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
