but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
