I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
