atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
