You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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