I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
