my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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