They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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