I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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