What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
