That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
