Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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