I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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