It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
