I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize