I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Umm I'm too high to move.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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