Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
