Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
