Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You smell like stripper and shame
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
