tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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