Soap is not a condiment
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
