Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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