We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
